Pregnant and Unmedicated

11 weeks, 5 days I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, nor have I ever even had an inkling that I might have it. But sometimes, my moods bounce around for no apparent reason and I just never know what I'm going to get. Today is the first time, though, that I ever recall my thoughts bouncing around in that way, literally from one moment to the next. One second, I'm feeling empowered, like I have the ability to be whoever/whatever I want to be. Then, a split second later, I'll never be enough, all of my friends have it more together than me, and I should just give up and accept it. Oh, but wait, I am capable of ANYTHING! I am a strong, intelligent, superhero with so much to offer! But, really, I suck. 11 weeks, 6 days Today, I've been blessed with what I assume are gas pains so bad it hurts to stand up straight, lay down flat, or pretty much do anything that doesn't involve being curled up in the fetal position. I also have what the internet has d...

11 weeks, 2 days We heard the heartbeat!!!! A whopping 165 beats per minute. It took an anxiety-filled minute or two, but there it was. No, neither of us cried, but we are both extremely relieved.

11 weeks I feel good today. And by "good," I mean I don't want to cry, break anything, or hold a pillow over anyone's face until they stop squirming.  Today, I'm just wishing it was Wednesday because that's the day I go to my OB-GYN and hopefully hear my little lime's (that's apparently what size he/she is now) heartbeat. I'm bracing myself for the possibility that we won't be able to hear it, though, as I'm not having an ultrasound and those Doppler things are supposedly not quite as sophisticated. Plus, it's possible my fibroids will get in the way. But, fingers crossed! I'll also be taking the Materniti 21 blood test which looks for chromosomal abnormalities and can also determine the sex, which, yes, we absolutely do want to know. We spent a lot of time with family this weekend, and did a lot of talking about pregnancy (mine, specifically), so I'm hoping with all my might that everything turns out well and our baby is h...

10 weeks, 2 days This morning, I vomited in my purse on the train on the way to work. Just kidding. That didn't happen. I've actually been fortunate to have only mild, albeit persistent, nausea.  Physically, I feel pretty good these days. So good, in fact, that it's making me paranoid. Why DON'T my breasts feel crazy sore? Why AREN'T I throwing up after eating anything other than Saltines? Why do I suddenly not feel so completely drained of energy like I did a few weeks ago? But these thoughts aren't healthy, and I'm trying to be healthy. After all, it's not just about me now. Oh, and speaking of healthy, I haven't eaten a single vegetable today, and I've only had 16.9 ounces of water. So, this kid is pretty much doomed anyway. Guilt, guilt, guilt, worry, worry, worry. Unfortunately, nothing sounds particularly good to me these days except ice cream and cheese, preferably fried.  Oh, and carbs. Carbs are good. Soft pretzels, bagels, and muffi...

Preface I've never been the woman who was absolutely certain she wanted children, the woman who just knew that's why she was put on this earth. Honestly, I felt I could be happy either way. But my fiance was certain, and so the decision was made: we would try. The plan was pretty simple; we'd get married in April 2017 and then start trying. I'd be 36 years-old by that point, so there wouldn't be much time to waste. Well, things don't always work out the way you plan them. Sometimes, if you're really lucky, they work out even better. On August 17th, 2016 I came home from work so completely drained of energy, I could barely stand up. I mean, there was NOTHING in the tank. I decided to take the next day off and rest up. Oh, and I just happened to be about four days late at that point. So, I figured, while I wasn't really doing anything else, I might as well take a home pregnancy test. One line = not pregnant, two lines = pregnant. When I tell you that s...